We’re told love is all about romance, but the relationship you have with yourself shapes every connection in your life. Here’s why self-love matters most.
Navigate to where you want to go:
- Introduction
- More Than Just Romance
- The Most Overlooked-and Essential-Relationship
- Why Self-Love Directly Impacts Your Other Relationships
- Growing Stronger By Loving Yourself First
Introduction
Love—at least the kind we see in movies or read about in books, the kind that wakes up princesses and saves the day—always seems to be found in a romantic relationship. No wonder so many people, especially women, grow up believing that finding “the one” is the ultimate goal in life. We’re told there’s this one huge, all-encompassing love out there, and nothing else could possibly compare.
Don’t get me wrong—I’m in a happy, healthy relationship now. But I met my partner at 30, after spending most of my twenties single. From experience, I can honestly say every relationship brings something special into your life that no other can replace. But let’s take a step back and talk about the most important relationships you’ll ever have.
More Than Just Romance
Have you ever thought about all the different kinds of love in your life? There’s family love—like the bond I have with my sister or my niece. There’s friendship, and I have to say, female friendships are some of the most meaningful connections I’ve ever known. And there’s love for animals (and sometimes they give it back even better than humans do!). And here’s a bonus if you’ve thought about it already: the first and most important love of all—self-love. Yet, somehow, it’s the one we overlook the most.
Jay Shetty’s book, 8 Rules of Love, dives into all these different forms of love and shows just how essential it is to recognize and nurture each one—including the relationship you have with yourself.
I’ve talked about self-love in other posts (feel free to check them out—I’ll never stop being passionate about this topic), but I want to keep the conversation going, because self-love is the foundation for every other kind of love you’ll experience in your life.
You know that saying, “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes”? Why is it that we can love others so easily and purely, but need convincing to believe we’re just as worthy of love ourselves?
The Most Overlooked-and Essential-Relationship
It’s also worth remembering that every type of love, whether it’s romantic, family, friendship, or self-love, needs to be nurtured.
We sometimes think love—especially self-love—should just “be there,” but the truth is, all relationships require effort and care to grow.
Just like you might plan a date night with your partner, call your mom to check in, or set aside time for coffee with a friend, self-love calls for intentional actions too. It could mean setting healthy boundaries, practicing positive self-talk, taking time to rest, or celebrating your own achievements.
Self-love isn’t a one-time thing—it’s a long-term relationship you have with yourself, and it deserves your attention just as much as your connections with others.
No love thrives on autopilot. All of them need consistent effort, patience, and kindness to keep growing—and that includes the love you give yourself.
Why Self-Love Directly Impacts Your Other Relationships
Is it fair to say that most relationship problems come from a lack of self-love? I know that’s a bold—and maybe even unpopular—opinion. And of course, life is rarely black and white. But hear me out: Why do we end up in relationships that don’t give us what we truly want?
Usually, it’s because we haven’t set clear boundaries with ourselves. Or maybe we get really triggered by what people or family say or do, and deep down, it’s because we’re not fully sure of who we are or what we bring to the table.
I know this is a bit of tough love, but I feel like it needs to be said.
Even for the strongest, luckiest, and most self-loving people, there will be times when you struggle with love, question your relationships, or even doubt yourself. It doesn’t matter how much work you’ve done—these moments are just part of the journey. That’s how we grow and move forward.
Growing Stronger By Loving Yourself First
To finish this article, I’d like to leave you with a little piece of advice that’s so simple, yet sometimes feels nearly impossible:
The easiest way to true, pure self-love is simply to be yourself—and to learn to love that person.
Jamie Kern Lima talks about this beautifully in her book Worthy, where she reminds us that embracing your own worth, flaws and all, is the foundation for every healthy connection in your life.
Too often, we feel the need to adjust our behavior—to fit in at work, to blend in with friends, or even to meet the expectations of family. Sometimes, we lose sight of who we truly are and forget what it means to live authentically.
Of course, there are situations in life we can’t always change, and that’s okay. But when you start to accept yourself completely—the flaws, the strengths, the quirks, all of it—and really learn to love yourself as you are, something amazing happens.
You start to thrive.
Life opens up in new ways, and every relationship you have, including the one with yourself, grows stronger.
Leave a Reply