Have you ever heard someone say, “This was painful, and I learned nothing from it”?
Or, “I suffered a lot, and it made me weaker”?
Probably not. Why?
Because pain and suffering often have the opposite effect. They tend to make us stronger and teach us valuable lessons.
This doesn’t mean we should seek out pain or crave suffering, but in the end, they play an important role in our lives. We often realize this after we’ve gone through tough times and can look back on our experiences.
Let’s dive into understanding what we can do to navigate better and when suffering is still a healthy part of growth or merely our need for attention or validation, as sometimes we hold onto suffering because it brings us sympathy or makes us feel important, and it’s crucial to recognize this and find healthier ways to meet our emotional needs.
Navigate to where you want to go:
Introduction
Pain and suffering can help us grow and improve our mental health. This knowledge allows us to better manage our emotions and life’s challenges. It strengthens our minds, deepens our emotional understanding, and leads to happier lives.
But did you know pain and suffering are actually two different things? And that one can be, at least partly, avoided? Understanding this difference can be a powerful tool for personal growth and well-being.
The Difference between Pain and Suffering
Pain is a physical feeling that warns us of danger. When we touch something hot, our body quickly tells us to move away. This keeps us safe.
Suffering is different. It’s about how our mind reacts to pain. It’s the worry and upset we feel after we’re hurt. For example, having a headache is pain. Thinking the headache means something really bad is suffering.
Pain
We all know what pain is – how it feels, how powerfully it enters our lives, taking no prisoners.
We’re aware that life without pain doesn’t exist, and although we feel negatively about it, pain helps us see things more clearly, be more present, and focus on what truly matters.
Most importantly, experiencing pain allows us to also experience healing and moving on, which are incredibly powerful feelings.
No two pains are alike, and we cannot compare our pain with anyone else’s, as they’re all deeply connected to one’s personality and emotions.
The bottom line is: we all experience pain, whether physical or emotional.
This might be a brave or controversial statement, but I believe emotional pain is far worse. I’ve experienced both, and I bet you have too. Think about it – do you agree?
As mentioned, these pains can’t be compared to others or each other, but the difference is that physical pain is easier to process mentally. We understand something happened, we’re hurt, and we’re going to heal.
Emotional pain, however, is often invisible. We don’t want it to be seen, thinking that if it’s hidden, it’s gone. But it’s a part of life and can’t be avoided, especially the emotional kind. Surprisingly, those who try to avoid emotional pain by closing themselves off to people and experiences often suffer the most.
Personal story time:
Physical pain can be really intense, but it’s often not as bad as emotional pain.
I remember when a dog bit my nose – it hurt a lot, but it was nothing compared to getting surgery on my septum. That involved getting my nose injected, having stitches inside and outside, and not being able to breathe through my nose for days because of the packing.
At that time, it was the worst physical pain I’d ever felt. In the end, though, I was just happy to have all my body parts and be able to breathe again.
I don’t hold any bad feelings about it and I moved on, feeling more humble.
Emotional pain, though? Oh my! It’s somehow so much harder to even talk about.
Maybe because physical pain is something others can see, so it’s already out there. Emotions are hard to understand.
Even if you’re used to dealing with them, working on yourself, or healing, there are always new, unexpected feelings that come up in new situations. I experienced most of these emotions while living abroad and then learning to live back home again.
The longest time I suffered was for several months, but it felt like years. I’ll share more about this in my personal story below.
Suffering
Suffering is the mental and emotional distress we experience in response to pain, loss, or adversity.
Suffering is our psychological reaction to difficult circumstances.
It is also just part of being human. It happens because we can worry about bad stuff that might happen, get stuck thinking about painful things from the past, or have a hard time dealing with problems we’re facing right now. So the important thing is not avoiding it but learn how to move from it.
Sometimes, we might find ourselves staying in a state of suffering because we’re reluctant to let go of pain.
This can happen for various reasons:
- the pain might feel familiar
- we may have tied our identity to it
- we might fear the unknown that comes with change
We could also be dealing with unresolved issues or unconsciously benefiting from the pain in some way.
To move forward, it’s crucial to acknowledge our pain, understand its source, and learn from the experience. Practicing self-compassion, seeking support when needed, and gradually letting go while embracing new possibilities are all important steps in the healing process.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to progress at your own pace towards a healthier state of mind.
Suffering is hard to deal with, but it can also help us grow stronger and understand others better. Interestingly, when we try too hard to avoid suffering, we often end up feeling worse. Instead, it’s better to learn how to handle our struggles and find meaning in them, rather than trying to make them go away completely.
Personal story time!
One of the longest emotional struggles I recently went through was navigating my feelings after returning from living abroad.
It felt like my identity stayed in Australia together with the life that I was building for the last 3 years. To sum it up: I was lost, somewhat depressed, and lacked motivation. You can read the whole story here.
I had imagined it differently in my head and, most importantly, I didn’t expect to feel this way. No one around me could have helped, as we are all unique and need a unique approach, but also because my story was basically the opposite of those around me. They just continued living their lives while I had to learn how to start from scratch again.
I eventually did, and many amazing things came from this suffering, including knowing myself better, gaining determination, and really embodying the idea that I’m the CEO of my life and the source of my own happiness. This blog is also a result of that experience.
So, thank you to those several months of long suffering that made me say stop! It’s been enough. Now let’s get better.
Staying in a state of suffering for months on end, longer than necessary, make it increasingly difficult to move forward. While healing isn’t a race, there comes a point when you need to recognize it’s time to move on. The longer I remained stuck in that phase, the more challenging it became to break free.
From Suffering to Healing
Going from suffering to healing is like peeling an onion – each layer hurts, but you need to do it to get to the middle. When you’re going through tough times, time helps, but it’s not enough on its own.
I found that healing often meant facing uncomfortable truths. I started writing in a journal every day, making myself write down feelings I’d been hiding for years. Some days, I’d write so much my hand hurt, and tears would fall on the pages. Other days, I’d just stare at the blank paper, my thoughts so quiet it was deafening.
One really helpful thing I tried was “empty chair” therapy. I’d talk to an imaginary version of my ex or myself. It felt silly at first, but it helped me express and deal with emotions I’d been keeping inside. The first few times left me feeling drained because, well, when you talk about hardships out loud, let me tell you, it really hits hard. But slowly, I started to feel better. It’s really powerful to say what you feel out loud, even if no one else is listening. You are listening, and talking to yourself about your feelings is the first and biggest step.
I also learned that healing doesn’t go in a straight line. There were days when I felt like I was going backwards, falling back into sadness. But I started to see these moments not as failures, but as chances to be kind to myself and keep working on growing.
In the end, the most life-changing thing was learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings without trying to escape them right away.
Through meditation, therapy, or just letting myself feel without judging, I slowly built up the strength to face my pain head-on. This was often more painful than the original suffering, but it led to a deeper, more real sense of who I am and feeling better overall.
If we don’t heal, our pain can become chronic and toxic, seeping into every aspect of our lives and relationships. Unresolved suffering often leads to destructive patterns, affecting our mental and physical health, and preventing us from living a fulfilling life.
Recommended Publications
I’ve personally read or listened to all the books listed below and found them valuable in learning how to navigate through pain and suffering:
“The Myth of Normal” by Gabor Maté – This book explores trauma, illness, and healing in a toxic culture, which relates directly to pain and suffering.
“The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz – While not exclusively about suffering, this book provides a code of conduct that can help in dealing with life’s challenges.
“13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do” by Amy Morin – This book offers strategies for overcoming setbacks and building resilience, which is relevant to dealing with pain and suffering.
“The Universe Has Your Back” by Gabrielle Bernstein – This book offers guidance on transforming fear into faith, which can be helpful when dealing with suffering.
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